You’ll find a lot of practical, useful information in Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships: Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism by Dr. Temple Grandin and Sean Barron, edited by Veronica Zysk, published by Future Horizons, Inc.
Dr. Grandin writes, “One of the rules about conversation topics that seems to apply generally in society is there are three subjects you don’t discuss with strangers and most people who are not close friends: sex, politics, and religion.”
When you have strong feelings about your religion it may feel natural to bring it up with neighbors, family friends, acquaintances, and even people you meet in the community. However, Dr. Grandin says, don’t do it. Around the family dinner table, or with friends from church, discussing shared religious values can be a pleasant conversation topic.
Not everyone shares your religious beliefs, and that’s okay. You probably wouldn’t want other people to put down your personal faith or try to get you to do things that go against your conscience. If a Christian tries to convince a Jewish person that they should celebrate Christmas, or if a Jewish person tries to convince a Christian that it is wrong to celebrate Christmas and everyone should celebrate Hanukkah, that conversation will not go well. No one wants to be told that their religious beliefs, practices, or celebrations are wrong.
People get very uncomfortable when this line is crossed. Even if they don’t come out and say, “I’m uncomfortable,” even if they nod and smile and pretend to be interested, people do not want to hear someone tell them that their religious beliefs are wrong. They may tend to avoid that person in the future and never tell them why.
Tolerance is a two-way street, and it’s important to everyone. We want others to be tolerant of our views, beliefs, disabilities, or religious choices, and we must also be tolerant of others who feel or believe differently from us.
Society in general agrees with Dr. Grandin’s rule. Avoiding uncomfortable conversation topics, like sex, politics, and religion, is the smart and tolerant thing to do.
